I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize