i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's rum buckets o'clock
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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