hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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