Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
