It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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