You're a womanizer and a bitch.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
