the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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