As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
