Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
