Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we're so committed to being not committed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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