You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize