Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
