do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
