i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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