I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
