I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
