so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
