i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
