i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
