Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize