Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
