I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
