I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Green mimosas i think yes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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