you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
