I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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