I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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