I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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