All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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