okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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