Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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