fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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