It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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