Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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