my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have feelings that need drinking.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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