some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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