I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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