Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
