I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
