she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
