the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
