Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
