I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your penis caused this!
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