Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
