when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just gargled with NyQuil
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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