So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
