My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
