4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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