I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
