big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
