once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
