i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
