Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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