I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
