She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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