4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So drunk its hurt
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
