Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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