Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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