Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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