I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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