stop calling my apartment porn island.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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