No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
