Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
