The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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