Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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