who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
