I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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