the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
