I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
