Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
