Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
