I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
