I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
